Poetry

 A few days go without thinking how I'm surviving, It's hard at times not to think about all this. The other days go without thinking why I'm surviving, Maybe I just need a small tiny hug or a forehead kiss. There are days that I don't want to live through, Little do I know those are the days that made me what I am. Realized so much when I got kicked hard on my ass with a shoe, Life's rough,tough and not easy like making bread butter jam. What's on my mind? What's in my heart? No one other than me knows what state I am at, I can't speak it out to anyone, else it'll hurt the others like a dart. Everyone's either trying save themselves by putting up a cap or a big bucket hat! No I'm not being suicidal but what's there to live for, After-all suffering has come through for the past seven to eight years. People tell me it'll get better, but really it's you who has to get better..OR You'll be drowning in your regrets and crying beca...

 There are monsters everywhere in my life, Few of them say they're under my bed. Few of them say they're waiting for me in the kitchen with a knife, Whilst I know why they are all in my head. Are there monsters around me? Of course they are all in the environment, In this world now you never know if it's a she or he. From life I just want to take a retirement. Monsters are all around us in the form of us, It's them who are sadists who thrive over our insecurities There's not one , two or three , but many among us. They are the ones who make themselves as priorities. What can we do about our inner monsters? The ones that constantly bring in a self doubt, I'd stopped listening to these monsters. Because my motivated side of my mind and heart had the better shout. I've changed, tried helping who I could, I wanted to be the change so someone else would. Help them listen to their better half and not the monsters, Help them get rid of their monsters.

 I just need this one good friend, Who'd help me put my depression to an end. Maybe virtual hugs could be put on the send, After all a life you can help to mend. Whilst so much goes through my head, You'd be lucky to not find me dead. Letting it all out in tears on my bed, I'm there for you is what everyone said. While I'm on my bed apart from blood , I shed tears, Overcoming them slowly and getting rid of them fears. All I want right now is someone to say , " it's gonna be okay dear" I just want this one pal who'd cut the bullshit and just hear. At this point I believe life's here to mend , bend or even end me, Happiness like education is never free, Sadness at a point of time is the necessary fee, I have only one heart to be shattered, not three. I wonder why I trusted so many, When I needed someone ,  there weren't any. My life right now is like this little penny, Biased maybe, the one side which lands more often is sadness, with happiness b...

Everyone's poisonous I can't even stress, All of them inside their lovely acting dress. More like a costume because everyone has to play a part, Breaks me so much to know how much more taking is to my heart. I've stood strong by people no matter what they've faced, Loved them for who they were, helped them through everything with my shoes being unlaced. Do I really deserve to be ghosted, ignored by all of them? You'd leave me all alone all by myself though at times you called me a gem. Feel like I've been cheated on, fell into this on a repeat, Never gonna be around any of you, if that's how I'm gonna get a treat. I let it go once, twice and now I can't let it happen anymore, I've had enough of the shit-housery and I'm gonna take it no more. My heart literally aches everyday during the night, I'm happy I'm still alive trying to keep up the might. If you've never wanted me around why don't you guys say it on my face? I'll b...

There's not a day where I don't feel so lonely, Everyday went by looking at my phone the whole time. I'd look for someone who'd call or text to make me feel homely. All of the ringtone I'd receive would be my alarm chime. I don't know what to say or how to put things through, All I've wanted in this lock-down is not to be felt alone. I've been taught to not give up no matter what life threw, (at you) It's slow but the seeds of depression have been sown. It could be all in my head, overthinking as I always do, But this time I feel myself that I'm losing myself into wreckage. Wake me up, please do before I you too, Else you'll find me dead before you reach your old age. I write this down at 5 AM today to make myself realize the sleep I've lost, Yes I've been up all night not able to crash into my bed. After all the pain and suffering has a rich cost, I can't get the saddening demons out of my head. I told myself that I'd write ...

I don't know where to start from, Pain has no begining of an end. Life's not like just another rom-com, Broken hearts are so difficult to mend. I thought my life was done, I'd sleep forever, My grave, I doubt will have flowers. Happiness is something I've tried to endeavour, Oh my look me loose my willpower. Happiness will come it's way they said, They never mentioned how long it'd take. It's too late until you find me hanging dead, Afterall it's all to do with the heartbreak. I'm not lonely but I'm left all alone, Why does everyone care when they see me no more? Living the way now, I feel like I've all grown. Look at all of your fake concern destroy me like claymore. Would I get to live a life properly is my question! It's a question for the next time I might be born. It's not someone's feelings that matter but people's Instagram caption, Only if me leaving you forever pricked you like a thorn. I'll be there for you is wh...

I don't know what to do or say, You promised me that you'd stay. Now without you look ay my hair grow grey, Your presence around me always made me gay. I laid down my soul naked for you, You treated the wounds well until you dissappeared. Now you sprinkled all the salt over them too, Watching me burn in pain you reappeared. People go on to write about something about their tear flood, A pen or a typewriter would always do the job. My story was written with heartbeaks and blood, Want a life now, watch me join the dead mob. Life puts all of down by all means, All I learnt from all of this was... We generally ovethink when we're in our teens, Yet trust shatters into pieces like glauss. The way you broke my trust, my belief and my heart, Everything around me felt so shattered and I was so done. Strengthening, yours in my life was the biggest part, Happiness stoped, hard times again had begun. Friends we could be, you never wanted to... Always left all my messgaes on read. Shou...

"BESTFRIEND", such an overrated term in my view, I was in 8th grade until everything was fine. With you around my life felt like it was in a curfew, A friend to the others a bestfriend I thought was mine. Every "BESTFRIEND" has never stayed until now, Goodbyes sounded like I was really easy to get over. Used me until I fell into the trap, like WOW. Fell down all alone, felt more like a rover. He left,She left.All of them slowly left, They probably have found someone better. Memories were the thieves and my heart got theft, Started writing to myself, the mail filled with letters. I don't know what to do or say, You promised me that you'd stay. Now without you look at my hair grow grey, Your presence around me always made me gay (happy). Your BRB's lasted for days until I texted you again, I knew then that it was all done, All these sad songs are sung by the wren. Hope they know that depression had won. The word is as fake as you people are, Not only aban...

Everyday when I look in the mirror, I wonder how I genuinely used to smile. All this just seems like it was my error, Without you now, I again gotta walk a  thousand mile. In the begining it was you who was joining my heart together, Days passed, I healed from what I was going through. At the end, you broke my heart,  you turned away and never seemed to bother. It again came down to square one, where it seemed hard to move(from). Fake were your promises, truth were all your lies, There was once a time when we were happy. Look what's happened, how time flies, Now when I tell you the truth, you get all snappy. The past is gone, so are you. Those sweet memories still lie within, All my hopes over you, out they blew, Everything I do now, I feel like quitting. What's life that I chose with you? It more like feels like it's without a few. A few without you in it, All alone, I feel like I've lost my spirit. Why don't days g...

When your notification popped, I would text you back for more. Never had my phone dropped, For your message got my heartbeat from 68 to 144. When yours was slow and went lub, Mine was fast all round going lub dupp. I'm so incomplete without you, Afterall you're my everything bring my boo! My heart skips a beat when I see your notification, You're my favourite of all humanity. You're parents have made such a beautiful creation, My love for you is way above insanity. My heartbeat around you would never be normal, It'd either be 0 or a 144bpm. Apologies came in as such a formal, Now it feels dead, like a 0bpm. You took away yourself from me, You were everything I ever wanted. You set yourself free, Without you now it feels so haunted. Kept my heartbeat running, Since you're gone, it isn't even walking. That sudden call by you was stunning, In the wrong way I meant, You left me at your door knocking. What wrong had I done to deserve all this? Tried looking at th...

It's not that I couldn't walk alone, Everyone out there can low-key rap. But no one comes close to Post Malone, With you at that time seemed clearer the map. Was I thinking too far in the future with you around? Probably yes, that's why we aren't together anymore. Beautiful people are hard to find, harder to be in a surround I took you all in, accepted you while everyone else called you a whore. You told me about hooking up with the others, I yet love you for the person you are. Chose you over all my brother's from another mother's, These days brought me on the road, the nights to the bar. I wondered if you losing me would be painful, You pretend as if you did, Faith in love I lost. To live again, it's not that I'd again be careful, It's just that I didn't wanna lose you at any cost. True colours showed up when a farewell you bid, Love fled? Nope love let go for what was nerve mine. A fake smile with tears behind my eyes, hid, After that day neve...

Who knew a few days back I planned, Going out with the new friends in college I made. Would be cancelled out coz they aren't my friends anymore, Lying down on this bed while I sob, they're out there. They're out there with a happy face, I'm left here with a broken heart. Somedays back I thought I'd end this year atleast playing football, Turns out my leg's screwed and I'm out for a month. It sucks knowing no one called me out for dinner, Or no one put me up on their stories of their best moments of 2019. Who cares was the question. I did for them was my answer. College was the only time we met, We stood close to each other and spoke. I loved the sun, and you loved being in the rain, getting wet. I remember those days where everything was fine and my heart wasn't broke. I'd probably never make it to the top again, Five feet apart is the minimum we stood now. Hating me forever, it someday had to begin, ...

I don't know what's wrong with me? Everyone finds a reason to leave :') My mind after all this doesn't seem free, My life seems like it's difficult to heave. My tears have turned all silent, My heart suddenly feels heavy. My mind's fucked, turned all violent, Depression is the tax my body has to levy. It just took you two days to replace me from the top, I thought I'd always be there and never would drop. My parents told me that the friends you make in college stay with you throughout your life, There was no one for me while I was falling into depression with a dive. There's no one around to tell my fears, No one, on who's shoulder would I shed my tears? Everyone saw the blood smears, I tried explaining it to someone , but no one hears. Laid down my ego to get you back, You didn't, now life kinda feels all blank. Guess I was on the wrong track, In all this pain, I had no one but at me to rant.

I don't know how to cry, Do I shed tears or blood smears? My face filled with salt is all dry, No one's ever washed it with their love in all these years. What helps more, therapy or self harm? I guess both are useless coz you're not coming back. Instead of my ringtone I only hear my alarm, Self respect I probably now what I lack. It's really sad how we've parted ways, Everyone fades, no one stays. But I thought our friendship wasn't like the other playable clays, After all we've been through this together for several days. I gave you your rightful space and time, This friendship now tastes more sour than lime. Suicide probably isn't such a heinous crime, My parents for me would get a small dime. I've been through this but it wasn't so bad, I've cried a lot but never been so sad. In college you probably were the only thing I had, Sorry we've lost each other to stupid reasons,lad. You said I didn't understand you,  I wanna ask you, if ...

I keep wondering why I was left out, Together we were yet I had this little doubt. Journeys looked short, Problems would wholly mount, I wish I could make every memory count. I'm all alone now and I miss it all, Neither a message nor a call. Now all I know is I'm alone and talk to this wall, Keeping me happy is this only game called football. Slowly I'll learn how to live without you, You'll be working on the same too. Isn't it sad how you left me without any clue? You'd say it's my fault, I'd say with a sad face,"How True!" Everything's changed, I'm not the same old guy, Like being alone now, I don't get why. Getting me back to normal? Give it a try, Only if you're sure enough that  I'm a good buy. As the days pass by I grow stronger, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it any longer. Friends you see yonder, I have new decisions and lessons upon to ponder. I wish this is all a bad dream, But they say dreams come...

Didn't know it would come to an end so fast, 14th August to 29th September was the period we spoke. Thought breakups hurt, but bestfriends don't last, Dad calls me a toxic person for a reason, and I'm too broke. I was pissed at you for just letting my issue go, You were pissed at me for something stupid. I didn't sleep and cried all night, like woah! My issue was very serious and lucid. Everyone including you think I was trying to gain your attention, No one knew that it was such a huge thing for me. I've been having this gut feeling and it brought me into a tension, Little did I know that I would be left alone,among thee. I'm crying right now, while I write this down, Didn't want it to come to an end when we had 4 years. You'll now probably remove the crown, If you're in my room you probably see all tears and blood smears. Suffering is something which is taken up all alone, A perfect combo of tears and Post Malone. Knowing thi...

Not a day goes without remembering you, Each tear I shed reminds me of the dew. The green grasses of Bangalore we played in, Didn't know the days would be so thin. I stay awake wondering if you miss me! When will be the day we would see?(each other) I wish magic existed so I would count, A hill which we would together mount. All day and all night I wish we were together, Cities might separate us. But our hearts are built of the same feather, Harsh would just be another plus. Ten days later you came into my life, 10 is my lucky number if you had no clue. Without you here I feel I'm at the edge of a knife, Loving each other and being there for each other, that's how we grew. It ain't easy living without you being here, Life's getting harder day by day. I wish we spend time stargazing with some beer, The oceans await us near the bay. I don't even know how I survive, I won't make it out the dark without your light. I don't even k...

Somedays go about me thinking, I should have died in that operation theatre that day. Life's always kept me blinking, About the fact that my story could be presented on a movie theatre someday. It breaks me everyday to know that I have no one around now, The one who does really care is somewhere far. Yet how I bare everything is such a wow, Shubhi don't be surprised to find me wasted in some random bar. Everyday in the morning I get up thinking about the sleepless nights, Nights where I think about when will I able to see you. Heart waits, Mind thinks while switched off remain the lights, In these daydreams I wish I felt free and flew. What I feel right now isn't only emptiness, It's a mix of being lost and being depressed. College is been so hard and I find myself in pettiness, Pressure from everywhere, I just feel stressed. People who I cared about the most in college waved off a bye, In this phase of life where I'm again having a tough time....

Loved you like no one else would do, From calling you bestfriend, time passed by calling you 'BOO!' Life's a bitch but I'm sure we'll make iur way through, If you decide to take every step with me and move. When I'm down I just want a hug from you, If you're down, I'll give you a tight hug too. There was only one who I loved from the few, Being you! Don't miss me when I join the defence crew! Words won't be able to define how beautiful you are, Sorry if I don't have the face, house, money or car. Came into my life and made it bloom like a flower, For you, I'd jump off the Twin Tower. You know why I've been writing this? It's cause I just wanna hug you and pull you closer to kiss. Dying in your arms is my last wish, Having you in my dreams, all the memories I'll miss.

Many things changed over the years, My lifestyle, my attitude, my everything. All I wanted was things change from nothing to something, Nothing happened and they can be seen through these tears. They told me love is blind, I belived that, but I am not. Pain of not being loved felt like a gunshot. I realised no one loves me now, they did when I was a child. I loved her for what and who they was, Not for fame(coz she was famous), but it was true. This ended up me being hit by her shoe, I told her I loved her a lot for a cause. My love can't be defined, It can only be felt. Your hate made me a person not easy to be dealt, I would pull you close and hug you if you don't mind. You left me all alone, Making me feel guilty. Looks like I'll have to join the military, Listening to Post Malone.