Hard Days

 A few days go without thinking how I'm surviving, It's hard at times not to think about all this. The other days go without thinking why I'm surviving, Maybe I just need a small tiny hug or a forehead kiss. There are days that I don't want to live through, Little do I know those are the days that made me what I am. Realized so much when I got kicked hard on my ass with a shoe, Life's rough,tough and not easy like making bread butter jam. What's on my mind? What's in my heart? No one other than me knows what state I am at, I can't speak it out to anyone, else it'll hurt the others like a dart. Everyone's either trying save themselves by putting up a cap or a big bucket hat! No I'm not being suicidal but what's there to live for, After-all suffering has come through for the past seven to eight years. People tell me it'll get better, but really it's you who has to get better..OR You'll be drowning in your regrets and crying beca


 There are monsters everywhere in my life, Few of them say they're under my bed. Few of them say they're waiting for me in the kitchen with a knife, Whilst I know why they are all in my head. Are there monsters around me? Of course they are all in the environment, In this world now you never know if it's a she or he. From life I just want to take a retirement. Monsters are all around us in the form of us, It's them who are sadists who thrive over our insecurities There's not one , two or three , but many among us. They are the ones who make themselves as priorities. What can we do about our inner monsters? The ones that constantly bring in a self doubt, I'd stopped listening to these monsters. Because my motivated side of my mind and heart had the better shout. I've changed, tried helping who I could, I wanted to be the change so someone else would. Help them listen to their better half and not the monsters, Help them get rid of their monsters.


 I just need this one good friend, Who'd help me put my depression to an end. Maybe virtual hugs could be put on the send, After all a life you can help to mend. Whilst so much goes through my head, You'd be lucky to not find me dead. Letting it all out in tears on my bed, I'm there for you is what everyone said. While I'm on my bed apart from blood , I shed tears, Overcoming them slowly and getting rid of them fears. All I want right now is someone to say , " it's gonna be okay dear" I just want this one pal who'd cut the bullshit and just hear. At this point I believe life's here to mend , bend or even end me, Happiness like education is never free, Sadness at a point of time is the necessary fee, I have only one heart to be shattered, not three. I wonder why I trusted so many, When I needed someone ,  there weren't any. My life right now is like this little penny, Biased maybe, the one side which lands more often is sadness, with happiness b

Done :)

Everyone's poisonous I can't even stress, All of them inside their lovely acting dress. More like a costume because everyone has to play a part, Breaks me so much to know how much more taking is to my heart. I've stood strong by people no matter what they've faced, Loved them for who they were, helped them through everything with my shoes being unlaced. Do I really deserve to be ghosted, ignored by all of them? You'd leave me all alone all by myself though at times you called me a gem. Feel like I've been cheated on, fell into this on a repeat, Never gonna be around any of you, if that's how I'm gonna get a treat. I let it go once, twice and now I can't let it happen anymore, I've had enough of the shit-housery and I'm gonna take it no more. My heart literally aches everyday during the night, I'm happy I'm still alive trying to keep up the might. If you've never wanted me around why don't you guys say it on my face? I'll b

A short one :)

There's not a day where I don't feel so lonely, Everyday went by looking at my phone the whole time. I'd look for someone who'd call or text to make me feel homely. All of the ringtone I'd receive would be my alarm chime. I don't know what to say or how to put things through, All I've wanted in this lock-down is not to be felt alone. I've been taught to not give up no matter what life threw, (at you) It's slow but the seeds of depression have been sown. It could be all in my head, overthinking as I always do, But this time I feel myself that I'm losing myself into wreckage. Wake me up, please do before I you too, Else you'll find me dead before you reach your old age. I write this down at 5 AM today to make myself realize the sleep I've lost, Yes I've been up all night not able to crash into my bed. After all the pain and suffering has a rich cost, I can't get the saddening demons out of my head. I told myself that I'd write


I don't know where to start from, Pain has no begining of an end. Life's not like just another rom-com, Broken hearts are so difficult to mend. I thought my life was done, I'd sleep forever, My grave, I doubt will have flowers. Happiness is something I've tried to endeavour, Oh my look me loose my willpower. Happiness will come it's way they said, They never mentioned how long it'd take. It's too late until you find me hanging dead, Afterall it's all to do with the heartbreak. I'm not lonely but I'm left all alone, Why does everyone care when they see me no more? Living the way now, I feel like I've all grown. Look at all of your fake concern destroy me like claymore. Would I get to live a life properly is my question! It's a question for the next time I might be born. It's not someone's feelings that matter but people's Instagram caption, Only if me leaving you forever pricked you like a thorn. I'll be there for you is wh


I don't know what to do or say, You promised me that you'd stay. Now without you look ay my hair grow grey, Your presence around me always made me gay. I laid down my soul naked for you, You treated the wounds well until you dissappeared. Now you sprinkled all the salt over them too, Watching me burn in pain you reappeared. People go on to write about something about their tear flood, A pen or a typewriter would always do the job. My story was written with heartbeaks and blood, Want a life now, watch me join the dead mob. Life puts all of down by all means, All I learnt from all of this was... We generally ovethink when we're in our teens, Yet trust shatters into pieces like glauss. The way you broke my trust, my belief and my heart, Everything around me felt so shattered and I was so done. Strengthening, yours in my life was the biggest part, Happiness stoped, hard times again had begun. Friends we could be, you never wanted to... Always left all my messgaes on read. Shou