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Showing posts from 2020

Monsters

 There are monsters everywhere in my life, Few of them say they're under my bed. Few of them say they're waiting for me in the kitchen with a knife, Whilst I know why they are all in my head. Are there monsters around me? Of course they are all in the environment, In this world now you never know if it's a she or he. From life I just want to take a retirement. Monsters are all around us in the form of us, It's them who are sadists who thrive over our insecurities There's not one , two or three , but many among us. They are the ones who make themselves as priorities. What can we do about our inner monsters? The ones that constantly bring in a self doubt, I'd stopped listening to these monsters. Because my motivated side of my mind and heart had the better shout. I've changed, tried helping who I could, I wanted to be the change so someone else would. Help them listen to their better half and not the monsters, Help them get rid of their monsters.

Snakes

 I just need this one good friend, Who'd help me put my depression to an end. Maybe virtual hugs could be put on the send, After all a life you can help to mend. Whilst so much goes through my head, You'd be lucky to not find me dead. Letting it all out in tears on my bed, I'm there for you is what everyone said. While I'm on my bed apart from blood , I shed tears, Overcoming them slowly and getting rid of them fears. All I want right now is someone to say , " it's gonna be okay dear" I just want this one pal who'd cut the bullshit and just hear. At this point I believe life's here to mend , bend or even end me, Happiness like education is never free, Sadness at a point of time is the necessary fee, I have only one heart to be shattered, not three. I wonder why I trusted so many, When I needed someone ,  there weren't any. My life right now is like this little penny, Biased maybe, the one side which lands more often is sadness, with happiness b

Done :)

Everyone's poisonous I can't even stress, All of them inside their lovely acting dress. More like a costume because everyone has to play a part, Breaks me so much to know how much more taking is to my heart. I've stood strong by people no matter what they've faced, Loved them for who they were, helped them through everything with my shoes being unlaced. Do I really deserve to be ghosted, ignored by all of them? You'd leave me all alone all by myself though at times you called me a gem. Feel like I've been cheated on, fell into this on a repeat, Never gonna be around any of you, if that's how I'm gonna get a treat. I let it go once, twice and now I can't let it happen anymore, I've had enough of the shit-housery and I'm gonna take it no more. My heart literally aches everyday during the night, I'm happy I'm still alive trying to keep up the might. If you've never wanted me around why don't you guys say it on my face? I'll b

A short one :)

There's not a day where I don't feel so lonely, Everyday went by looking at my phone the whole time. I'd look for someone who'd call or text to make me feel homely. All of the ringtone I'd receive would be my alarm chime. I don't know what to say or how to put things through, All I've wanted in this lock-down is not to be felt alone. I've been taught to not give up no matter what life threw, (at you) It's slow but the seeds of depression have been sown. It could be all in my head, overthinking as I always do, But this time I feel myself that I'm losing myself into wreckage. Wake me up, please do before I you too, Else you'll find me dead before you reach your old age. I write this down at 5 AM today to make myself realize the sleep I've lost, Yes I've been up all night not able to crash into my bed. After all the pain and suffering has a rich cost, I can't get the saddening demons out of my head. I told myself that I'd write

Suicidal

I don't know where to start from, Pain has no begining of an end. Life's not like just another rom-com, Broken hearts are so difficult to mend. I thought my life was done, I'd sleep forever, My grave, I doubt will have flowers. Happiness is something I've tried to endeavour, Oh my look me loose my willpower. Happiness will come it's way they said, They never mentioned how long it'd take. It's too late until you find me hanging dead, Afterall it's all to do with the heartbreak. I'm not lonely but I'm left all alone, Why does everyone care when they see me no more? Living the way now, I feel like I've all grown. Look at all of your fake concern destroy me like claymore. Would I get to live a life properly is my question! It's a question for the next time I might be born. It's not someone's feelings that matter but people's Instagram caption, Only if me leaving you forever pricked you like a thorn. I'll be there for you is wh

Misery

I don't know what to do or say, You promised me that you'd stay. Now without you look ay my hair grow grey, Your presence around me always made me gay. I laid down my soul naked for you, You treated the wounds well until you dissappeared. Now you sprinkled all the salt over them too, Watching me burn in pain you reappeared. People go on to write about something about their tear flood, A pen or a typewriter would always do the job. My story was written with heartbeaks and blood, Want a life now, watch me join the dead mob. Life puts all of down by all means, All I learnt from all of this was... We generally ovethink when we're in our teens, Yet trust shatters into pieces like glauss. The way you broke my trust, my belief and my heart, Everything around me felt so shattered and I was so done. Strengthening, yours in my life was the biggest part, Happiness stoped, hard times again had begun. Friends we could be, you never wanted to... Always left all my messgaes on read. Shou

BESTFRIEND

"BESTFRIEND", such an overrated term in my view, I was in 8th grade until everything was fine. With you around my life felt like it was in a curfew, A friend to the others a bestfriend I thought was mine. Every "BESTFRIEND" has never stayed until now, Goodbyes sounded like I was really easy to get over. Used me until I fell into the trap, like WOW. Fell down all alone, felt more like a rover. He left,She left.All of them slowly left, They probably have found someone better. Memories were the thieves and my heart got theft, Started writing to myself, the mail filled with letters. I don't know what to do or say, You promised me that you'd stay. Now without you look at my hair grow grey, Your presence around me always made me gay (happy). Your BRB's lasted for days until I texted you again, I knew then that it was all done, All these sad songs are sung by the wren. Hope they know that depression had won. The word is as fake as you people are, Not only aban

A random feeling

Everyday when I look in the mirror, I wonder how I genuinely used to smile. All this just seems like it was my error, Without you now, I again gotta walk a  thousand mile. In the begining it was you who was joining my heart together, Days passed, I healed from what I was going through. At the end, you broke my heart,  you turned away and never seemed to bother. It again came down to square one, where it seemed hard to move(from). Fake were your promises, truth were all your lies, There was once a time when we were happy. Look what's happened, how time flies, Now when I tell you the truth, you get all snappy. The past is gone, so are you. Those sweet memories still lie within, All my hopes over you, out they blew, Everything I do now, I feel like quitting. What's life that I chose with you? It more like feels like it's without a few. A few without you in it, All alone, I feel like I've lost my spirit. Why don't days g

Heartbeat

When your notification popped, I would text you back for more. Never had my phone dropped, For your message got my heartbeat from 68 to 144. When yours was slow and went lub, Mine was fast all round going lub dupp. I'm so incomplete without you, Afterall you're my everything bring my boo! My heart skips a beat when I see your notification, You're my favourite of all humanity. You're parents have made such a beautiful creation, My love for you is way above insanity. My heartbeat around you would never be normal, It'd either be 0 or a 144bpm. Apologies came in as such a formal, Now it feels dead, like a 0bpm. You took away yourself from me, You were everything I ever wanted. You set yourself free, Without you now it feels so haunted. Kept my heartbeat running, Since you're gone, it isn't even walking. That sudden call by you was stunning, In the wrong way I meant, You left me at your door knocking. What wrong had I done to deserve all this? Tried looking at th

Alone

It's not that I couldn't walk alone, Everyone out there can low-key rap. But no one comes close to Post Malone, With you at that time seemed clearer the map. Was I thinking too far in the future with you around? Probably yes, that's why we aren't together anymore. Beautiful people are hard to find, harder to be in a surround I took you all in, accepted you while everyone else called you a whore. You told me about hooking up with the others, I yet love you for the person you are. Chose you over all my brother's from another mother's, These days brought me on the road, the nights to the bar. I wondered if you losing me would be painful, You pretend as if you did, Faith in love I lost. To live again, it's not that I'd again be careful, It's just that I didn't wanna lose you at any cost. True colours showed up when a farewell you bid, Love fled? Nope love let go for what was nerve mine. A fake smile with tears behind my eyes, hid, After that day neve

Who knew?

Who knew a few days back I planned, Going out with the new friends in college I made. Would be cancelled out coz they aren't my friends anymore, Lying down on this bed while I sob, they're out there. They're out there with a happy face, I'm left here with a broken heart. Somedays back I thought I'd end this year atleast playing football, Turns out my leg's screwed and I'm out for a month. It sucks knowing no one called me out for dinner, Or no one put me up on their stories of their best moments of 2019. Who cares was the question. I did for them was my answer. College was the only time we met, We stood close to each other and spoke. I loved the sun, and you loved being in the rain, getting wet. I remember those days where everything was fine and my heart wasn't broke. I'd probably never make it to the top again, Five feet apart is the minimum we stood now. Hating me forever, it someday had to begin,